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My Visa bill has been mostly paid off, thanks to my parents who are amazing. I am no longer afraid to check my account balances anymore. Mom laughed when she caught a glimpse at my savings balance--$2.67. "Is that all the money you have?"

"Well, I have like three dollars in my wallet."

It's a damn good thing I still live at home. I'd be up shit creek without a paddle if I was out on my own with that little money in my pocket. Then again, if I lived on my own I doubt I'd be tempted to spend my hard-earned cash on makeup instead of paying bills and therefore, wouldn't be put in the situation that I'd only have five dollars to my name.

Tonight, I went out to dinner with my family. It's something we do every now and then, usually just before my parents are heading off on a big trip. This week they're driving down through the Pacific Northwest with the intent to end up in San Francisco. They don't know how long they'll be gone for and I'm not holding my breath about it (I'm betting three weeks, tops). It's always so strange to sit with my family around a table for dinner because we never do it on our own at home. I'm beginning to relate to my parents as individuals, not just these authorative figures who've got to be obeyed. In theory, when you hit your twenties, the maturity gap between yourself and someone say, twice your age, is dramatically shortened. I used to feel weird about talking with people who were even five years older than me but as I get older, age becomes more irrelevant.

Though, no matter how old I get, I doubt I'll ever be able to swear in front of my mother or completely let loose. I wish the people I hold closest in my life knew every side of my personality and not just the image I choose for them to see out of my own mixture awkward self-consciousness.

I'm struggling to keep myself busy because I'm in such a horrible state of mind. I need to keep moving somehow so I don't start wallowing in the same ol' hormone-driven garble I've become way too accustomed with. I just have too much time to deal with right now and I'm terrified of it. So, I did some tidying up around my basement. I washed some dye out of pink canvas I printed a few weeks ago. I started to sew the batting to a new quilt I'm working on. I watched School of Rock with my mom. Now I'm here, mostly sleepy, without numbers to call.

Tomorrow morning I'm going for a walk or a bike ride or something. At least I start my spring class tomorrow night (Art History, three hours two nights a week for the next two months) so that will keep me busy until July. A girlfriend of mine is coming to town at the end of the month and that's pretty exciting too (lots of shopping will be had!). Jeremy comes back in a week or so and it will be nice to have him around to talk with again. I become attached to people far too quickly. It's sickening.

Christ, these entries are becoming too frequent and too similar in their execusion.

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